Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
