Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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