The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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