How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
