Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
