Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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