sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
