Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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