i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
