Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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