Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
