I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
