i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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