I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
