Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
