So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize