You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
