I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
