I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
