I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
