I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
