so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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