bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
