You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
