was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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