More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
