So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
