fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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