Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
