nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
