i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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