dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
