your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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