I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
