You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
