i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
