If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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