So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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