garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ugly people sure do ruin things
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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