yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
