A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize