So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
