What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
