But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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