one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
