my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
