eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
