ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
