There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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