Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
