please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
