I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
