We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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