So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
