id be glad to
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
