I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
