my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
