Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
