I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
