I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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