dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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