im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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