My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize