Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
