i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Alive.
So much puke
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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