What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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