I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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