You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
