My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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