come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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