Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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