addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
