I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
