He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
