so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
