so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize