I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
