you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
