I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
