new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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