hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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