remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Mom said you looked used
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
