i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
