I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
