No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
