You work out of a Hotel?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
