I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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