well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I have vodka in my lungs
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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