I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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