He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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