I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
