I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
