O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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