Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
