DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
