as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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