Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
