I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
