when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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