She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
