who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize