High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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