i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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