You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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