Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
