i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
