Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
