he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
